


Door of Heaven

by sudapigrafool



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars
Genre: Biblical References, Gen, Sibling Love, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 07:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1217275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sudapigrafool/pseuds/sudapigrafool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Authorship: Polydeuces<br/>Here's the Deal: no beta. Jared and Shannon at home (pool, studio); EMI lawsuit era. (apx. 1,000 words). You can read a relationship into it, if that's your thing.<br/>Quotes: Song of Songs</p>
            </blockquote>





	Door of Heaven

_"Set me as a seal upon your heart,  
   as a seal upon your arm..."_

_\---------_

He doesn’t swim, never learned. Around him, the water’s surface shimmers like midday heat. His toes are barely scraping against the rough bottom of the pool. As far as he knows, except for the cicadas, he is alone. Calm. Buoyant. Transfixed. He holds his breath and sinks slowly down and down listening to the whispered sounds of the water.

"Hush," it says, closing over his head with a murmured word, floating and shifting like a veil of glass, flashing with the afternoon sun; sharp, brilliant, and hard as justice. Shining for him and him alone, clear and unbreakable as the crystal floor before the throne of Heaven.

This, he thinks, is the true face of Death. And he drifts deeper.

Behind the tall glass panes of the studio doors, Shannon watches, eyes unblinking against the glare. Poised so close he can feel the touch of warmth that radiates off the window surface; ghostly fingers of it leaking in from outside where the heat is heavy and oppressive. Just enough to remind him what it’s like to bear the burden of being the one who’s _out there,_ where the weight of the atmosphere alone is enough to lay your body down. The chill of the air-conditioning drifts over his flushed skin. He doesn’t even realize he’s been holding his breath until his lungs are straining against his ribs and his heart is hammering fist-like in his chest.

"C’mon, Jared," he mutters urgently to no one. No one who can hear him. Long seconds tick by which he measures out in the drumbeats of his own heart. Beneath the checkered surface of the water he can see his brother arguing for his life in broken patterns of peach and gold and darkness. In knife blade slivers of silver. Come _on_ , Jared. He wills the thought like a disembodied spirit, like a piece of his own soul, across the distance between them. Save yourself.

Jared feels rather than sees the shadow that falls across the water. It pulls him upward with the inescapable attraction of its own gravity, gathering strength like a wave. He breaks the surface face first and gasps for air with a hunger so ravenous it’s left his hands tingling. Stars of white light are swimming in his field of vision telling him a cautionary tale -- that’s how close he came this time. They leave their dark, black trails against the bleached blue sky tracing out a silent, cryptic message that’s gone with the blink of his eyes.

For an instant, he’s flailing towards the pool side with leaden limbs before a strong hand clamps around his forearm, dragging him through those last few inches of water and drawing him in. His fingers scrabble numbly over wet grout and tile. "Don’t do that again," grumbles the silhouette hovering above him.

Shannon must know there’ll be no reply offered. No promise he can possibly make. "Again" is a time that lies somewhere in a future which belongs only to itself. Right now, Jared is still chasing the present, heart racing and struggling to breathe, hiding himself in the one bit of shade that looms over him. Slowly, that small span of space separating him from his brother is shrinking down to millimeters until they are breathing each other’s air and the dark shadow eclipsing the sky gradually emerges into focus. Shannon’s mouth is warm and so full of life, Jared thinks, and holds more truth than spoken words ever did.

"Can you get yourself out, or do you need help?" His voice is gruff, but Jared sees how he kneels right at the water’s edge like a penitent, like a suppliant, and how the knees of his jeans are getting soaked and wet. The pool ripples and licks tauntingly against Jared’s back and shoulders, and his lungs are still burning. But here, sheltered in the cloister of his brother’s concern the air seems cooler, the sun less violent.

Jared clings to the side and stretches out with his feet, feeling for the bottom, but it remains just beyond his reach.

"It’s a little too deep here," he answers honestly, and with a muffled groan chastens his shaking, wayward arms to guide him along the pool’s edge toward shallower water, but his fingers are clumsy and his grip fumbles.

"Dammit, Jared, don’t make me get in there after you while I’m dressed, I’ll be really pissed," Shannon warns, his one hand remaining firmly clasped around Jared’s wrist.

"There’s an obvious solution to that, you know," Jared offers. Cheeky, but his voice sounds rough and used even to his own ears, and it wavers weakly.

"Uh-uh, c’mon Jared," his brother encourages him. "You can do this, we can do this."

Shannon’s crawling on the hot, hard cement right next to him. Like a pilgrim bent over under the yoke of his sins, slowly shuffling along on his free hand and his knees. Or, Jared thinks, like an angel of grace reciting his endless litany of prayers, "Little more, Jared. Just a little farther." Mea culpa, mea culpa. Meanwhile somewhere off in the trees, he can still hear the psalms of the insects singing, " _What is that coming up from the wilderness, Like a column of smoke…"_

In fact, it is the very real scent of distant wildfires that has been tainting the already thick air for days now, clinging to Jared's skin and hair any time he leaves the house. Even now, while he’s been gasping to catch his breath, its heaviness and acrid flavor has filled the back of his throat. Burning, burning. Let it all burn.

_"…for love is as strong as Death, Jealousy is cruel as the grave. It’s flashes of fire, a most vehement flame."_

His toes scrape bottom, finally, and his forward motion halts. Truly, if there was any mercy in the world, Jared thinks this moment would stretch out into infinity, like the mind of God. Shannon is still clinging to his arm, although he must feel or sense the hesitation. He must know.

Because he says, "Jared? You got it?"

_"Many waters cannot quench love, Neither can floods drown it…"_

One more step, Jared knows, and he’ll be standing on his own.

　

\--end--

 


End file.
